


A Fever That Can't Move Out

by Hostile_Sociopaths



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, New Neighbors AU, Ryden
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-28 09:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2727005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hostile_Sociopaths/pseuds/Hostile_Sociopaths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a prissy temperamental person gets a neighbor who has the aura that’s literally enough to power an entire city pretty odd things happen.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ever Since We Met

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: We do not own Panic! at The Disco, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, any of their members(former or otherwise), or any other personae we used as characters. We do not own any Brendon or Ryan, or any of the other characters. Any familiar names are purely coincidental. We also don't own any of the songs or lyrics that we use for titles. This is a work of fiction.
> 
> Title from Nearly Witches(Ever Since We Met) by Panic! at The Disco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is our first fanfiction (well, the first one we co-wrote). Please leave constructive criticism and any thoughts you have on this fic.  
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Title from Nearly Witches(Ever Since We Met) by Panic! at The Disco

 

**RYAN**

 

Ryan wasn't really the “Best Neighbour In The World”, the one who gives his neighbours brownies, invite them for Thanksgiving dinner or even just share a cup of coffee with them. He’d never dream of it. He doesn't even make the effort to smile at them. He’d been living in the complex since he was like what? 21? He’d seen people come and go. Ryan was basically the equivalent of that angry old man every neighbourhood has. Others would enjoy seeing people come but Ryan loved seeing people go. So when his neighbour Mikey moved out to pursue a music career along with his brother he was more than happy when he received the news. Though he was feeling happy about Mikey’s departure he still had this weird sense of frustration that’s caused by the fact that he’ll have a new neighbour soon enough. I mean, he lives in a pretty decent apartment with clean and bright halls, “friendly” personnel and big rooms. Those are three of the things people who are looking for houses look forward to. He tried to shake the thought off and he continued his glorious celebration.

Ryan doesn’t like getting attached to people. The aftershock of a person’s departure is three times worse than it’s appearance. For Ryan, _nothing_ is permanent. Not even stars. Not even scars. People are just like comets. They show up and leave just like every other thing in the world such as seasons or storms. Never too amazing or never too moving. This has been the way Ryan sees the world ever since he was left by his dad.

 It’s been three months ever since his neighbour left. Three months since he’s been blasting blink 182 songs not thinking about how his neighbours would react to the raucous noise, watching movies at a ridiculously high volume, and getting his newspaper outside without pants on. (See? He reads the newspaper. He’s the angry old man of the apartment.) He was getting his newspaper outside when he saw a pile of boxes in front of the room next to him and he saw a lanky black haired guy running to the bigger pile of boxes at the end of the hall. Ryan was scared and annoyed by the fact that he has a new neighbour which means he’ll have to cope up with that new guy and the new guy has to cope up with Ryan’s uncomeliness and lack of pants. Ryan immediately went back to his room and he was sure that was the fastest thing he’s done for the week. Realizing that he doesn't have all day to be grumpy because he still has work on a 9-3 pace, Ryan let out a curse under his breath, sat on a chair, and started shuffling through his paper.

* * *

 

**BRENDON**

 

Leaning against a gigantic pile of boxes that will probably kill him if it collapses, Brendon sat and took a break from carrying his boxes from one place to another. It was one of the hardest things he’s done. Moving his things alone. The moving men were dicks. They just fucking dropped the boxes in the hall, not even bothering to at least put it in front of his room. He didn’t want his day ruined. He’s technically an optimistic person or at least that’s what people say. He prefers the term “not easily bothered”. Sometimes being too positive lets him down like a while ago he could’ve sworn he heard a door open which means he has a neighbour. Which means there’d be someone to help him or at least say "Good Morning" to him but no, he was wrong. He didn’t even catch a glimpse of his neighbour. Brendon wondered if his neighbour was a guy or a girl. But his neighbour’s gender wasn’t really a big deal to Brendon just as long as he was friends with them. He made a mental note not to expect so much from people because he usually ends up feeling disappointed.

By now, Brendon was already putting his DVDs on his shelf along with his books. Alphabetized just the way he likes it. Now he just has to put his blankets on his closet. Ha. Like his sexuality 5 years ago when he was 15 and he had to hide it in fear of the bullies and his family’s disapproval.

Brendon always had this really bubbly and jokey personality. He likes the company of other people it makes him feel less alone. He never liked worrying too much which is why he seeks comfort in other people. He likes being friends with everyone. Literally _everyone._ Even Outside Dave, the hobo in front of his previous apartment. He always see the goodness in people.

Speaking of friends, Brendon was more than excited to meet his new neighbour. He finished his last chore so fast it reminded him of the roadrunner and sprinted to the door. He couldn't wait to meet his new neighbour.

As soon as he opened the door he saw a tall, skinny guy with bags under his eyes who’s wearing a long sleeved shirt, a black tie, slacks, a pair of Converse and an intimidating glare. This man’s glare kind of set Brendon’s enthusiasm back but he tried not to get bothered by it. Brendon managed to say “Hi! I’m your new neighbour. My name’s Brendon what’s yours?”. His voice somehow filled the void of the empty hall for about 8 seconds when it was cut by the guy’s stare. The guy checked his watch and walked away. Brendon sighed. For about 3 seconds he heard the guy mumble something. _Jesus fuck he heard me,_ he thought but his face still lit up like a billboard and he replied to the mumble with “What was that?”. The guy flinched, sighed with frustration, and said “JESUS CHRIST I SAID MY NAME’S RYAN” without turning his head back while walking faster then before. Brendon couldn’t wipe his stupid grin across his face.

 


	2. Cold and Alone (But Not For Long)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Let's Kill Tonight by Panic! at The Disco

**RYAN**

 

Last five minutes of his boring bank job in his boring cubicle with his boring co-workers. Ryan guesses that’s what years of banking turn you into --- a boring monotonous person who has a Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. He taps his feet in the tune of Under Pressure by Queen while watching the office clock like a lion stalking his prey.

**2:58**

YES, he thought. 2 more minutes. 2 more goddamned minutes and he’s free as jailbreakers who aren’t exactly “free” because they’ll have a higher bounty on their heads.But hey, at least they’re wanted. He’s like them in a way. In the sense that he wants to get out but he can’t. Comparing himself to prisoners already? This job is getting to him more than he thought. Luckily it’s only....

_Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two… ONE!_

Ryan wants to throw all his papers into the air to celebrate. But he doesn’t because he’s not an idiot, unlike everyone else here. He tries to fix his things, put on his coat and scarf and get out the door before you can say the company slogan. 5 inches to the door he hears his name and halts to listen to their manager Spencer. Who was the least boring guy in the office. “Hey Ryan! Watch out I heard there might be a snow storm today!” Spencer half yelled. He gives Spencer an obedient nod and breathes a sigh of relief as he walks home.

* * *

  **BRENDON**

 

Brendon nervously pats his pockets, socks and belt as he searches for his keys. NO NO NO NO NO THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, he thought. He finally did it. He had finally outdone himself this time by leaving his keys inside his room. Brendon ran to the lobby only to find the main office closed. He walked back to his door and sat with his back against the door, facing the balcony. Brendon looked at the snowy landscape in front of him. Sure, he was locked out of his apartment, and it would be freezing soon, but at least the view was nice. He was positive like that.

* * *

**RYAN**

 

He was home, well in front of the building to be specific. Ryan was exhausted, working hours at a bank with people you didn’t like was more tiring than you thought. All he wanted to do was eat and then sleep the day away.

Ryan was just about to get into his apartment when he heard a “Hey.” He turned and saw his new neighbour, what was his name- Brendon, on the floor. Ryan decided not to question that, he was starving. He gave him an acknowledging half nod and went into his apartment. What the fuck is he doing? Ryan had to bite his tongue to make sure he doesn’t say those words out loud. He wondered about the plan that this guy might be stirring but he was so hungry, all thoughts of Brendon were replaced by food.

After inhaling a bowl of cereal, cold leftovers, and microwave pizza he dug out of the freezer, Ryan still wanted more. He felt like there was a blackhole in his stomach. It doesn’t feel like he has eaten anything at all. The blackhole in his stomach was almost as big as the figurative blackhole in his heart. Probably. Definitely. But then again, maybe not. he thought.  Unfortunately, he’s all out of food that he feels like eating. Ryan felt like he could use a trip to the grocery (it’s payday afterall). So he put on his beanie, gloves, & coat and braved the snow.

Running to his apartment on its own is hard but running to his apartment with groceries in your arm while braving thick snow is just too goddamn much. When Spencer said “there will be a snow storm” Ryan didn’t really expect it to be THIS harsh. He concentrated mostly on not slipping on the icy ground and not paying attention to the pain in his stomach. "JESUS FIGURE SKATING CHRIST," Ryan cursed under his breath as he almost slipped on the apartment’s facade. Being more careful than ever, he climbed up the stairs hugging his groceries tight like a loving mother would hug her child and found his weirdly optimistic neighbour STILL outside his apartment’s door.

* * *

**BRENDON**

 

Sitting in a fetal position, Brendon sat and reevaluated his decisions until he heard lazy and heavy footsteps. He was 101% sure that it was his neighbour, Ryan. He hoped. He really hoped that Ryan would take pity on him and let him inside his apartment just until the office opens but then his hope went down faster than a child playing on a seesaw when he saw Ryan brisk walking as if he doesn't want to be involved in Brendon’s bullshit.

* * *

**RYAN**

 

Ryan didn’t want to be involved in whatever happened to Brendon, but he looked so vulnerable out there in the cold. So he stopped in front of him. Brendon looked up at him and said “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied. “Uh, so what are you doing outside exactly? It’s going to be, like, a hundred degrees below soon.”

Brendon looked the slightest bit ashamed before he replies. “I left my keys in my room. Um, locked myself out and the landlord isn’t back yet.”

“Oh,” Ryan says. His mind races as he thinks of what to do. He could leave him out here like the bad neighbour he is, or he could show a bit of heart. The temperature’s going to keep dropping and Brendon might freeze to death and it will all be his fault. “Well, do you want to stay at my place for a while? At least until the landlord comes back.”

“Sure, that would be great! Thanks man.” Brendon gives him a megawatt smile and Ryan feels uneasy about letting him in his apartment.

 

 


	3. Room For One More Troubled Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Alone Together by Fall Out Boy

**BRENDON**

 

As they took of their shoes and coats Brendon scanned Ryan’s apartment. A stack of newspapers were stacked in a corner, neatly but on the verge of falling. There were dishes in the sink and there were takeout containers on the countertop. Not exactly clean but it’s not a shithole unlike his last apartment.

“So,” Ryan starts. “Make yourself at home, I guess.” He looks awkward while saying so. Brendon thinks he’s not used to company. He did run when he first moved in (which was yesterday). Speaking of first encounters, if Ryan wasn’t accustomed to guests and people, why would he let Brendon into his apartment? Maybe it was Be Nice To Your Neighbours Day. Or maybe he just looked that pitiful. Either way, he was glad to be out of the cold despite the unclear motives of his neighbour.

He notices a shelf in the corner filled with both books and records. He walks over there and runs his fingers down the spines of the books, woah hold on- IS THAT INVISIBLE MONSTERS? Brendon takes the book off the shelf and turns to Ryan.

“You read Chuck Palahniuk?” Brendon asks with a ridiculously wide grin.

“Yeah, isn’t it obvious? They’re on my shelf and all.”

“No, but some people just buy books for display.” This was great, they could talk about the book and become friends. Yes, this was so going to work. “It’s really cool that you read Palahniuk, though. I can’t name five people who do.”

“But they all probably watched Fight Club.” Ryan chuckles.

_Holy fuck_ , Brendon thinks, _he actually has emotions_. Brendon had this theory that his neighbour is probably an emotionless robot and scientists need to observe the robot’s behaviour around people so they can use robots as a weapon of mass destruction but turns out Ryan isn’t one and hey, you learn new things everyday.

“Isn’t that the truth. What else do you read?”

Ryan looks thoughtful for a moment, he’s probably read more books than Brendon could in a lifetime. “Classics, I guess?”

Brendon was thinking of things to say back but he was too focused on planning how to get to know Ryan better down. He appeared to be staring at Ryan’s blank wall with his mouth slightly agape.

“Hey, are you alright?” Ryan said with a hint of annoyance at Brendon’s short attention span.

With that, Brendon jerked his head as if he was just woken up by his mother.

“Oh uh yeah, just a little bit cold but I’ll manage.” he lied. Ryan’s narrowed eyes made it clear that he wasn’t convinced at all. He feels his(Ryan’s) walls go up again and knows that he’s screwed this one up.

“Do you want me to turn up the heat?” Brendon nods in agreement and sits down on the sofa while Ryan walks off towards the switch.

Ryan comes back and sits on a chair in front of Brendon.

Brendon thought he was an expert in the field of handling awkward situations but boy was he wrong.

The most awkward situation in the world in happening right now. In front of his weirdly gigantic baby eyes. Literally. Brendon’s a good sport but he really thinks that having a staring contest right now is inappropriate but he just goes along with it since he’s staying in Ryan’s apartment.

Brendon’s knee began to itch but he didn’t mind it. He just kept staring at his opponent’s baggy eyes. He began to notice how Ryan’s hazel brown eyes somehow turn olive green when it gets hit by light. He saw a white line on Ryan’s forehead it’s either a birthmark or a scar. Staring at Ryan’s face only made Brendon want to touch it more.

Ryan clears his throat and Brendon snaps out of his daze.

_DAMN IT._

Brendon blinked.

He was half thankful that Ryan cleared his throat because being sort of attracted to your neighbour that you just met would be weird and besides, he doesn’t even know him yet. 5 minutes ago he was shocked that this man wasn’t an emotionless robot and now he finds this man attractive? _Nope. Nope. Nope. No thanks._

“So I guess I win” Ryan smiled sarcastically.

_My. God. I have never seen a smile so bent my entire life._ He got distracted by Ryan’s really crooked smile. Damn his short attention span.

“Um, what?”

“You blinked. I win, that’s the rules of  a staring contest, right?” Ryan said, all the while looking at him like he was an idiot.

“Ha ha ha. Gotcha, I was just messing with ya.” Smooth Urie, real smooth.

Ryan knit his eyebrows like he wasn’t used to this type of humour. Or just the whole concept of humour itself. Wait, how was he attracted to him again?

Brendon has to stop this bullshit or he might get kicked out of Ryan’s apartment.

“Ryan, I’m sorry if I’ve been acting like a real weirdo. It’s just that I’m anxious about the whole moving thing and maybe even about you, since we’re new neighbours and we don’t know each other much yet but here I am sitting in your living room mumbling about things you probably don’t give a damn about.”

* * *

**RYAN**

 

He leaned back against his chair because he already knows it’s going to one hell of a long rant. Ryan knows where Brendon’s coming from.

He was in Brendon’s place a few years back. It really sucked but he was thankful he had a neighbour like Frank Iero. Frank helped him a lot. He also made Ryan realize that maybe people don’t just come and go. Maybe they just disappear for a moment and comeback like spring. Maybe they can also be the best thing in the whole world. Maybe.

Frank also made Ryan realize that life does not work like cliche chick flicks or pop songs when he left Ryan alone once again. He cheated with some girl he met at a record store. What. A. _Tool_.

Just the thought of Frank infuriates Ryan but he’s not too naive to not be thankful that Frank helped him when he was having a hard time coping with his job, his family, and everything.

Ryan wants to reach out but he wants to do it at a distance.

_Reach out at a distance? Well, goodluck doing that moron_. He heard his inside voice say.

_Fighting with yourself? Really? A real mature move right there,_  his other inside voice replied

_Great! How will this possibly help us to reach out to our weird neighbour?_

_OH MY GOD I HAVE TO STOP DOING THIS!_  Ryan basically screamed inside his head… if that was possible.

He was certain that fighting with himself isn’t going to help and decided to be the better version of Frank probably because Frank partly sucks and Brendon deserves to have a person that can be there for him. He’s going to give Brendon support just until Brendon gets back on his feet and maybe even find a best friend and he wants to prove Brendon wrong. He can care about things too….. Sometimes.

“No. It’s okay. I understand where you’re coming from. Trust me, I’ve been there” he spat out. Brendon seemed reluctant about sharing this to to Ryan and he couldn’t get offended because:

  1. He’s been nothing but mean and sarcastic to Brendon.

  2. Why would anyone want to vent what they’re feeling to him? Ryan has been through a lot and also knows a lot but he’s not really willing to help people.




“Maybe I’m just feeling homesick…. or maybe I don’t know what to do now I’ve got my own place to live but I’m currently locked out of it or maybe I’ve got the job I want since I was a teenager and now what? What happens next? Oh. My. God. How am I even going to keep my job when I cant even keep my fucking apartment keys with me?” Brendon sighed sinking deeper into Ryan’s couch. 

“Listen, you’re going to figure everything out. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Brendon you’re a pretty decent guy, even though I’ve only known you for less than an hour, and I know you can get through this. I think the problem with you is you’re overly excited and you get everything done immediately and when things don’t go the way you want it to, you put all the blame on yourself. You should take things slow you just have to relax and enjoy what you’re doing. You’re not going to be young forever, you know?” Now he just sounds like he’s scolding Brendon. But while he was trying to enlighten Brendon he also did the same for himself. Maybe he had the answers to his own problems, he just didn’t know it yet until he let this weirdo into his humble abode.

Brendon looked at Ryan as if Ryan just told him that he had won a million dollars. Brendon had another stupid grin across his face which Ryan hated. He threw his head back laughing like a 9 year old which Ryan hated. He had wrinkles beside his eyes which Ryan hated. Ryan assumed that’s what people get from being happy too often. These were the things Ryan would normally dislike but it seemed perfectly fine when Brendon did it. He actually liked it when Brendon did those aforementioned things. But he’s not going to fall in love with him or anything. He’s not going to fall in love. Not again. Never again. For Ryan, love is a concept that was invented by greeting card makers, pop songwriters, poets, and anyone who has to do something with “love”. Love is just another excuse for employment. Sure, it’s doing good for the economy but for the consumers? It’s not.

“Hahaha. You’re right, man. I just need to let loose. I’ve been holding so many things inside my head. Thanks for listening to my rambling. That was really cool of you.” Ryan could hear the relief in Brendon’s voice while saying this.

“It was nothing” Ryan replied.

**7:23 PM**

Totally forgetting that he was hungry, Ryan saw the paperbag of food he took for granted as he let Brendon distract him from being hungry.

“Hey.. Uh.. Do you want to eat?” Ryan still wasn’t sure if he should be too nice to this guy but he said it anyway.

“Where?” Brendon asked

“Uh.. Here? In my apartment? Right now?” Ryan was back to being sarcastic but this time, in a much more friendlier way.


	4. Back To The Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Nine In The Afternoon by Panic! at The Disco

**BRENDON**

 

_Oh God. What did I just say? Now he thinks that I expect something more. I totally blew it._ He feels so humiliated he might just pass out right here, right now. But he won’t because that will only burden Ryan even more.

Brendon tried to play it cool with a “Just messing with ya. Ha ha ha”

“Just so you know, I’m not buying it.” Ryan teased and managed to let out a laugh, Brendon went along with it.

“So, do you want me to help you cook or…?” Brendon asks, because his mother raised him to be polite.

“If you want to,” Ryan replies and he walks to the kitchen where Brendon follows him.

“What are we having?”

“Ramen and chicken nuggets.”

“Okay...”

“Okay...”

 

After a few first degree burns and accidental elbow bumps, they finally made themselves dinner. Ramen noodles and dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets will be satisfying their need of the nutrients you can get from the 3 food groups for tonight.

So they sit there eating, face to face in Ryan’s messy dining table filled with weird crumbs and candy wrappers.

“So.. What have you been up to?” Ryan said.

Ryan seemed like a person who’d hate small talks and that’s why Brendon was shocked when he initiated a conversation. It seemed more strange than welcoming.

“Not much, actually. The job doesn’t start until the next week. Just moved early to get to know more about the town. I want to get familiar with it and maybe discover cool things like weird museums.” Brendon replied then ate a dinosaur nugget in one bite.

Not much talking happened after that probably because they were too busy eating what they cooked. After eating, he placed the dishes on the sink and asked Brendon to sit on the sofa and bathe in Ryan’s hospitality. Ryan sat on the chair he first sat on when they got in his apartment. He saw Brendon’s eyes lit up. They reminded Ryan of blackholes, pulling people towards them and you can’t help  but look at them.

 

“Do you think I should check if Pete’s there? Hm. Maybe I should.” Brendon said in a tired voice.

“Yeah you should.” Ryan encouraged.

“Can you go with me? So at least someone can witness my death if I slip on ice?” Brendon said jokingly

“Whatever.” Ryan replied in a nonchalant tone

And with that, they wore their scarves and head downstairs.

* * *

  **RYAN**

 

Ryan was already feeling bad for this guy but it doubled now that he just witnessed Brendon bang his own head on the desk (out of frustration) in Pete’s office where Pete was nowhere to be found, repeatedly chanting _no no no nope no_.

“Look. If he doesn’t come back anytime soon...” Ryan paused out of uncertainty

Brendon stared at him waiting for his next line which he hadn’t thought of yet. He should really start thinking before he speaks.

“...You could maybe spend the night with me?” He continued with the most uncomfortable voice ever

“Are you sure about that Ryan? Cause I don’t want to be a bother and I could look for a place to stay for the night.”

“You’re going to look for a place? In the snow? At this time of night? You must be insane.”

If he had to be honest though, Ryan was probably the insane one. Him letting someone inside his apartment for a few hours was one thing, but letting them stay the night? That was complete anarchy. But still, he couldn’t just let Brendon stay God-knows-where in the freezing cold. Ryan was new to the whole _nice_ thing and he had only met Brendon. He could be a serial killer for Pete’s sake (hahaha, way to be funny). But it was really cold outside and where was he going to find a place to stay at this time of night?

“Ryan, it’s cool. I’m sure I can manage to find a motel or something, I’ve done alright on my own.”

Brendon seemed pretty insistent about it, and he couldn’t force him to stay. He can’t do anything but say okay. “Well, I don’t want to be a part of a police investigation when you die and start interrogating people in the building so I won’t let you.” he said jokingly.

“But-”

He’s on the verge of tying Brendon up just to stop him from being the hard headed bastard he is.

Ryan stared at Brendon with one eyebrow up as if to say Are-You-Fucking-Kidding-Me-Right-Now? Brendon stared right back at him with a look that said We-Are-Having-Another-Staring-Competition-And-I-Am-Not-Losing. Ryan’s eyes are stinging and he can feel the urge to blink. There’s no way in hell he’s doing that, not when this can be an opportunity for him to win the argument. He leaned against the wall and bit his tongue to fight the stinging. _1.. 2.. 3.._ Brendon blinked and tears fell down his face.

“HA!” Ryan screamed playfully like a 9 year old and blinked his eyes right after he said it. Tears also fell from his eyes but it’s not enough to stop him from losing the argument. He wiped it off as Brendon watched. He saw Brendon crack a smile and they began laughing. He wasn’t exactly sure why they were laughing but he just felt like doing so. Fearing that his walls might crumble down he cuts the laughter with  “I win. You lose. Now you’ll do as I say. Let’s come back here later to check on Pete then we’ll get your keys. Youll leave my apartment and you’ll get your keys. It’s a win win situation.” Ryan tried to sound as comforting as possible. He put his hand on Brendon’s shoulder and lead him back to his apartment. He really thought that he was really going to need rope to tie Brendon up.

* * *

**BRENDON**

The two fell asleep on the opposite sides of the couch with a good 13 inches between them when Brendon’s head slipped on his fist as he was sleeping on it. He looked at the clock, **10:32**. _Maybe I can check if Pete’s there_ , he thought.

He’d let Ryan know that he’ll leave but Ryan’s as motionless as a corpse. He looks so tired and it’s reasonable why he’s a heavy sleeper. He has bad posture and he always looks like he’s fed up with life. He didn’t dare to wake him up, in fact he wondered if he was asleep or dead. He looks more appealing asleep. Not in the creepy way but in the At-Least-He’s-Not-Wearing-An-Upset-Face way.

_STOP WATCHING HIM SLEEP_ , he yelled inside his head.

He practically ran downstairs out of his eagerness to check if Pete’s there or not. To his surprise he saw Pete trying to put eyeliner on. Pete saw him and got slightly embarrassed because somebody has caught him mid-eyeliner but he tried to play it cool with “Hi. How can I help you Mr. Urie?”

“Uh. I was wondering if you have extra keys to my room? I got locked out.”

“Yes. Of course.” Pete replied and immediately dug for Brendon’s keys. “Okay! Found it!” he handed Brendon’s keys over. Brendon thanked him and left him to his eyeliner.

Brendon ran back to his apartment door, opened it and sighed. He closed the door and leaned against it smiling. He’s had a long night so he took off his pants and went to bed knowing that he’d never forget the night Ryan Ross let him into his apartment.

 


	5. Count Me Away Before You Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Trade Mistakes by Panic!at The Disco

**RYAN**

 

He wakes up on the couch, stiff and sore with fuzzy memories of the night before. Ryan gets up slowly and stretches, his bones crack loudly. He looks around his apartment and notices the dishes on the table. Two of them, why would the table be set up for two if it was onl- _oh._

Then he remembers everything. Brendon got locked out of his apartment, he let him stay, they eat dinner, check on Pete, go back up and fall asleep on the couch. They fell asleep on the couch together, if that was so, then where the hell was Brendon?

His mind races and he’s suddenly awake. What if he’s been kidnapped? Or he went out and froze to death? _Nope, he’s too optimistic to kill himself,_ he answers. WHAT IF HE’S BEEN KIDNAPPED?

_Don’t be stupid_ , the voice inside his head says. _Who would kidnap a person when someones right next to them? Plus, there’s no sign of forced entry._

Ryan could almost believe that, except the front door is unlocked. _Be rational_ , he says to himself. Brendon probably just got out. _No big deal. He’s a responsible adult and I’m totally not affected_ , he thought. He can just check on him next door tomorrow. But for now, he has to go to bed because his back hurts like hell. He basically crawls to his bed.

On nights like this, he’d normally fall asleep as soon as his back met the bed but tonight he just couldn’t fall asleep. He stayed up, thinking about Brendon.Which is strange, because again, they only really met last night, and the awkward small talk shouldn’t count but there was just something about that guy. He just had this feeling about him. He just couldn’t quite make out if the knots in his stomach were good or bad.

Ryan considered the possibility that he might be a friend, which would be a miracle to say the least. He’s spent two years avoiding people and he’s not going to throw that all the way just because Brendon stayed the night. No way, he’s learned his lesson the hard way. Feelings and emotions do absolutely nothing for you. Ryan was not going through his dad and Frank again.

But he couldn’t help but think of what it would be like to have friends. If not that, at least someone to talk to. Ryan hasn’t had much friends since college. And even then he didn’t have much. There was this guy Alex Greenwald, who he shared a dorm with, but he never talked to him afterwards. After that was… he didn’t even know. No wonder he was the grumpy old man of the building.

But that could all change with Brendon, assuming he lets him. He’s swallowing his pride to admit to himself that he kind of misses company. His road to being an open and friendly person won’t be an easy one to navigate in but he’s willing to do the favor for himself. Ryan rolls over and pulls the blankets over his head and promptly falls asleep. It’s Sunday after all, he can sleep in as long as he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was very short, more of a filler chapter. Sorry for the wait, school was hell the past week. It's Christmas break so expect the updates to be more frequent.


	6. I'll Take You Out Though I'm Hardly Worth Your Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Six Feet Under the Stars by All Time Low

**BRENDON**

He personally liked Tuesdays (any day, really). It looked really nice out with snow all piled up to the side and the sun trying to show itself despite the clouds surrounding it. He decided to take a stroll on his new city while feeling like an experienced lab rat in a maze. Not quite sure where to go but this place is just familiar enough to feel like home. Frankly, he feels like dancing to Hall & Oates’ You Make My Dreams Come True. Since he’s been in the city for a week he’s been trying out its coffee shops and any interesting landmarks. He saw an obscure diner with brick walls around the corner. There was just something about it that made him want to come in.  

As he walking towards it he saw what probably was the most familiar body form to him. Bad posture and skinny limbs. Ryan. _Now’s my time to thank him_ , he thought. They haven’t talked since the whole letting him into his apartment incident and the leaving without recognition thing. That was last Saturday, about three days ago. He shamelessly ran to get beside him.

“Ryan,” he said catching his breath.

“Hey.” Ryan replied so nonchalantly it almost seemed like he was considering Brendon a 'friend'.

“Whatcha doing?” Brendon said with the biggest smile.

“Uhh, it’s my lunch break so-”

“Do you want to eat with me? Y’know because you’re the reason why I don’t have hypothermia and all,” Brendon cut him off

“Uhh sure? I guess? So where do you want to eat?”

“I was thinking about that shop around the corner with brick walls? Is that any good?”

“Actually, I eat my lunch there every day. It’s a nice place.” Ryan said while laughing as if he’s making fun of himself.

“Well that’s saying something,” Brendon laughed 

**...**

They settled down in a booth by the window.

A waitress with short blue hair came towards us, Hayley, her nametag read. “Hey Ryan,” her tone is familiar, like they’re good friends. “What are you two having?”

“I’ll have the usual, bagel and cream cheese. Oh, and coffee, French vanilla, you know how I like it.”

“What about him?” Hayley asks.

“Oh, I’ll have a turkey sandwich, and coffee with a little cream too. Thanks.”

“I’ll have those out for you in ten minutes.” She walks away and gives their order to the cook. Brendon watches her for a moment. When he looks back Ryan has a weird smile on his face.

“What? Is there something on my face?” He puts his hands up and frantically tries to rub off whatever’s there. It only makes Ryan smile more.

“There’s nothing on your face.”

“Then what are you smiling at for fucks sake?”

“It’s just that Thanksgiving is what? Two weeks from now? And you order a turkey sandwich.” This is apparently very amusing to Ryan in a way he can’t understand. Brendon shrugs it off and directs the conversation to a different topic.

“What’s with you and Hayley?” he teases.

“I-uh-wait what?” Ryan stumbles on his words clearly taken aback by the question. “We’re just friends.”

Brendon raises an eyebrow and smirks. “Really? ‘Cause the way you two talk…”

“No, no. Nothing’s happening between us. Besides, I don’t swing that way.”

Now it was Brendon’s turn to be surprised.

Ryan’s reply made him feel so triumphant. He felt like his doctor just told him that he didn’t have cancer. Brendon couldn’t fight the grin on his face

Ryan raised a brow.

Brendon raised his brow in reply without blinking

There they were again. Having a staring contest in a diner. ... _16..17..18..19 I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE THIS TIME_ , Brendon’s competitive impulse kicks in.

“Get a room you two.” Hayley jokes as she placed their food on their table.

“Wh-” Ryan blinks

“Ryan you didn’t tell me you have a boyfriend,” Hayley almost sounds like she’s upset. “Man, I thought we were best friends!” She said pouting. Now he was no longer sure if this is genuine or if she was joking. He no longer gave a damn.

“We’re just- Ugh. It’s none of your business.”

Hayley laughed almost hysterically.

Ryan rolled his eyes and caught Brendon laughing.

“Why are you laughing?”

_“NOTHING,”_ Brendon took a bite of his sandwich. Ryan did the same.

There was just something so mirthful in watching Ryan get embarrassed. Like he’s letting his armour down and Brendon feels almost fortunate to be able to witness this. If only he could get Ryan to be more open towards him and he could see this everyday. He doesn’t even understand why Ryan meant this much to him. Is it even possible to be attracted this early? Or Brendon’s just a psychopath? Ryan is like this catchy song he can’t quite get enough of. He makes Brendon’s feelings feel things. He may shut Brendon down at times but he picks him up in the most desirable way a person can. It’s like they’re playing an emotional seesaw and right now, he’s at cloud nine and he just wishes that his feet won’t ever touch the ground.

“I won, by the way,” he followed

“For the first time,” Ryan teased.

“Doesn’t matter, I still won.” Brendon was enjoying himself. It looked like Ryan was too. Miracles do happen.

“Do you have a job or are you here to find one?” Brendon was surprised to hear this from Ryan. This guy never seemed to fail Brendon when it comes to surprises.

“Uhh actually my friend and I are going to open a small recording studio. It won’t be open until next week.”

“Wow. That’s sounds cool.” Brendon is not surprised that Ryan has bad small talk skills.

“I’m really looking forward to hang out with you more.” _Saved it. Oh no. Wait. I made it weird._ So much for Ryan having bad small talk skills. He busies himself with his sandwich and tries not to make things more awkward. There was silence for about 10 seconds. Just when Brendon was sure that he just made it weird. Ryan said something but Brendon was too distracted to comprehend it.

He looks up from his plate and says “Sorry, what was that?” taking a sip of his coffee.

Ryan shrugs, “I said I’m looking forward to it’’

Brendon wasn’t sure how he did it but he managed to choke on his coffee and have coffee run in his nose at the same time. What a great flirt. When he finally manages to stop and mop up the mess he made, he mutters an apology to Ryan. “Sorry.”

“Is it so shocking that I actually want to spend time with other people? Specifically you?” Ryan asks with a bland face. He can’t make out if he’s serious or not. Brendon doesn’t want to see this face again.

“Yes. No,” _Geez Brendon, make up your mind_. “Well, I haven’t known you for long, and I don’t think you talk to anyone else much. Which is strange because you’re really interesting. I guess what I’m trying to say is… It’s a bit shocking and I should stop babbling.” He feels his face flush red and looks down, not daring to look at Ryan.

Ryan coughs, causing Brendon to look up from him.

“So, can we-” _BEEP._ Ryan’s alarm goes off. He glances at his watch. “Oh shit, my break’s over. I need to get going now, sorry to have to leave you like this.”

“It’s okay, I’ll see you around.” Brendon watches as he slides off his seat and walk out the door. Ryan passes by the window where he’s seated and stops to smile at him. He smiles back.

Brendon was kind of a slow eater. It took him 3 more minutes to finish his food. He gets so distracted but he doesn’t really understand why the thought of Ryan rarely leaves his head. He stood up and took a final look at their table.

Ryan left his scarf. Paisley patterned and tinted with bright red. He took it and carefully folded it into his coat’s pocket. He proceeded to leave the diner and walk on the sidewalk. Trying not to be bothered by the strangeness of having something that Ryan possess. It makes him feel like he’s a vase carrying something so important, beautiful even. Something so fragile. _Great. Now I identify with vases_. An empty vessel. That stands tall with the feeling of being complete. But not quite. He held something beautiful but it would never last long.

Brendon noticed it was getting dark and decided it was time to go home. He could see the sights tomorrow. Before he went into his apartment, he remembers the scarf in his pocket. Brendon pulls out the scarf and turns to Ryan’s door. He ties the scarf around the doorknob, where Ryan can see it when he gets home.

  



	7. You're Behind My Eyelids When I'm All Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Hurricane by Panic! at The Disco

**RYAN**

 

Walking the streets with the feeling he’s forgetting something,

Ryan felt the cold breeze run through his hair and unto his neck.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath.

Something clicked in his mind. _I forgot my fucking scarf,_ he thought feeling like he got bitchslapped by the truth. Since lunch, he couldn’t get the thought of Brendon to leave his head. The thought of the possibility that they might hang out again was harder to not think of. It’s like he could really be himself around Brendon. Ever since the night he let Brendon in, everything changed. Everything was incorporated with Brendon. Sitting on his couch felt better. The touch of his door knob even felt more relieving. The feel of his house got better, less empty. He tried to deny this to himself multiple times, but now he sees that it’s the goddamn truth. His body was basically in autopilot for the rest of the day and his brain was pervaded with the thought of Brendon.

Ryan was a forest and Brendon was a wild fire; and he’s burning through Ryan’s head. He knew to be cautious. Get too close and he knew he could be burned.

Ryan let the fire consume him as he walks towards his door. He saw his scarf tied on his door knob. Brendon must’ve found it. He untied it, placed it on his arm and unlocked his door. He placed it on the couch to be worn the next day and did his after-work-routine which meant eating and sleeping like a dog.

**…**

He woke up a bit dizzy but he still managed to get ready for work. Dragging his feet towards the door he almost forgot his scarf. He took it and lazily draped it around his neck. He noticed that it smelled different. Good different. It smelled like petrichor, the smell after rain. The smell that says everything’s going to be okay. It was enough to get him through the day.

Work was a drag, of course it was. There was a stack of paperwork on his desk, all of them probably credit card applications. It was his job to check whether or not the applicants were cut out to be card holders. Most of them would be around his age, maybe younger. They probably had plans of making a future for themselves and thought that a credit card would be a step forward.

 _Let’s see about that_ , Ryan thought. He went straight to business almost on autopilot. Checking if the applicant had met all requirements, filing them into Approved and Rejected. Reading and stamping and filing and reading again, he thought his job would be enough to distract him from thinking about.. _Other_ things but it turns out that the other things seem to distract him from doing his job.

He can’t get Brendon out of his mind. He’s like motherfucking cancer. Ryan doesn’t really understand why his mind is so engaged on the whole idea of Brendon. It doesn’t really matter if he likes Brendon’s eyes or jaw or neck or elbow. He knew. He just knew that he will never get close to Brendon. It’s just so impossible. They mix together like oil and water. As much as Ryan wants to be with Brendon, it’s just so hard. Feelings are hard and expressing them is harder.

 _No no no you are not getting sad over the absence of the possibility that you may one day touch him_.

Ryan sighs as he notices he’s getting out of his filing rhythm. _Oh my God losing your filing flow over the thought of Brendon? What the fuck? Might as well play He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not while shuffling through your paper, huh?_ Ryan scolded himself and realizes that he’s turning into a psycho. He throws his head back with frustration and closes his eyes shut.

“Uhh.. Ryan are you okay?” he heard Spencer asks him half laughing and half concerned.

He opens his eyes and sees him right in front of this desk. He flinches a little.

“No. I mean yes. Everything’s fine.” he replies.

“You seem pretty distracted” Spencer squints his eyes and tilts his head a little.

Ryan shrugs “I just said everything’s fine. Is that not enough to answer your question?”

“Alright. _Jesus._ Man, chill.” Spencer seemed intimidated by Ryan’s reply.

He watches Spencer walk away and waits until he was out of sight.

He shakes his head, rolls his chair closer to his desk and regains his composure.

Ryan goes through what’s left of the pile quickly enough, and finishes just a few minutes before his shift ends. He takes the extra time to pack up and sort all of his things. Just as he finishes his watch beeps, signifying the end of his work hours.

Ryan puts on his scarf, he wasn’t forgetting it this time, and walks out the building.

  
  



	8. I'm Just Taking In the Scenery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from I Have Friends In Holy Spaces by Panic! at The Disco

**RYAN**

 

He could feel his legs burning from walking too fast, trying to escape his mind, or at least tire it out. But no matter how fast he walks he can never hide from his thoughts. Ryan walked to the park thinking it would be a great way to loosen up. The benches are full of teenagers that remind him of his 16 year old self, old people, and of course… Couples. He kept walking until he saw a bench occupied by a guy reading a book.

 _Well he could be harmless_ , Ryan thought. He was too exhausted to look for a completely unoccupied bench and he was just here to unwind anyway. He walks towards the said bench and sit beside the guy, trying to leave as much space between them as possible. The guy seemed occupied with his book while Ryan was occupied by the thoughts of Brendon.

He just couldn’t shake the thought of Brendon off. His mind was full of confusion and honestly? He feels like rolling his body in the dirt and digging a hole to die in. Ryan has never felt so uncomfortable. He kept tapping his feet in the most nervous way possible. He puts his head in his hands, “Stupid Brendon,” he mutters under his breath.

He felt the guy beside him turns towards his direction. “Excuse me?” says a familiar voice

 _Speak of the devil_.

He peeled his hands off of his face and looked at the guy beside him and saw Brendon.

“Wh- Ho- Hi?” Ryan finally stutters out.

“Hi there yourself,” Brendon says with both eyebrows raised. “What’s this I hear about me being stupid?”

“What did I say?” he replies, hoping to pull this lie off.

“Didn’t you just say ‘Stupid Brendon’?” Brendon said as he closed his book.

“Did I?” Ryan had a grin on his face. It was just so stupid.

“Yes, you did. Unless I misheard you.”

“I said I want popcorn.” Ryan laughed. 

“Oh I see” Brendon seems like he’s not buying it but he goes along with it anyway

Ryan feels like he just dodged a bullet. He checks his phone in an effort to look distracted.

“So do you wanna buy some popcorn?”

“Wait what?”

“You wanted popcorn, right? There’s a guy over there selling popcorn. I’m getting some.” Brendon said this like he was talking to a child. But Ryan wasn’t objecting to food, so he settles for a “Don’t patronize me,” instead of the “Fuck you” he was feeling.

Brendon stands up and grabs Ryan by the wrist. Their eyes lock and for a moment he thinks it will start another staring contest. It didn’t. They walk toward the popcorn man with Brendon’s hand still dragging Ryan by the wrist. Ryan couldn’t let go (even though Brendon’s the one holding him and it’s not a mutual action) even if he didn’t want to be held by Brendon.

“Hi Mister Popcorn, can we get three?” Brendon said to the popcorn man with straight up enthusiasm.

 _MISTER POPCORN? I can’t believe this guy_. Ryan cursed in his mind.

Brendon paid for it and took the popcorn buckets. Ryan raises his right brow at Brendon.

“What?” Brendon asks laughing

“Three buckets? Really?” Ryan answers as he watches Brendon fill his mouth with popcorn.

“What? I love popcorn! I mean, who doesn’t?” Brendon hands a bucket of popcorn to Ryan.

“Right. Thanks.” Ryan laughs and lets Brendon enjoy his popcorn.

He notices the sun coming down and dusk settling in. Ryan checks his phone for the time. **5:37.** Time flies.

“Damn, that band is good.” Brendon says with his mouth full.

“Ohhh you mean Blink 182?” It took a while for Ryan to get what he was referring to.

“Yep!”  He says, stuffing even more popcorn in his mouth.

“I used to have this small band with my best friend a couple of years back in highschool. We’d cover some of their songs. Blink 182 is like one of my favorite bands. I don’t know why I told you this but yeah.”

Brendon stared at him with wonder.

“You sing?” Brendon swallowed the chewed up popcorn in his mouth.

“And play the guitar and write,” Ryan added.

“That’s so cool we should cover some songs in our recording studio sometime.” Brendon smiles again with his same bent smile.

* * *

**BRENDON**

 

He liked talking like this with Ryan. He really did. Now that Ryan’s trying to reach out to him too he’s feeling nothing but pure bliss. He stuffed more popcorn in his mouth as they walked and watched the sky turn dark. He doesn’t really know why or how but they’re walking home together, eating popcorn, and talking about themselves. It was nice to get to know Ryan like this, he imagines that he’s not much of a people person.

He’s so pristine. The more Brendon gets to know Ryan’s likes, dislikes, childhood stories or insights about anything the more he feels like a chemist who just discovered a new element. He didn’t really expect to like a pessimistic person this much. It’s like he wouldn’t even make a big deal out of someone sharing their stories to Brendon it felt like he was being trusted with the keys of a thousand jails.

“You’re staring at me again,” Ryan says, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Brendon smirks at Ryan. “Well, staring at each other seems to be our thing.” That seemed to shut him up. “Hold on, are you… _blushing?”_

Ryan ducks his head, “Shut the hell up, Brendon.”

“Ha! You are blushing!”

“Shut up. I said I’m not” Ryan denied.

“Okay, whatever you say.” Brendon teased with a winning smile. He noticed that they had reached their apartment doors. “Hey, can I get your number?”

“Wh-what?” Ryan was still fazed by Brendon’s earlier comments. “You want my number?”

“Yeah.”

“Why would you want my number?”

“So I can contact you incase I get locked out of my apartment again.”

“Wow. Really?” Ryan sounded like he couldn’t cope with Brendon’s patheticness anymore,

“No you idiot, because I want to talk to you and shit. It’s what friends do.” As he said this he noticed Ryan raising both of his eyebrows.

“Okay. Fine.” As Ryan said this Brendon was already rummaging his pockets for his phone.

“773 524 2286” Ryan recited his number.

“773 52-- Uhh can you repeat that again?”

Ryan shrugged and stood beside Brendon as he recites his number once again.

Brendon could feel Ryan’s shoulder against his. Like the needy person he is, he wished Ryan to come closer. He wants Ryan to be pressed close against him until it feels like they’re one. He wants to drown himself in Ryans touch.

“You’re one hell of a fast typer,” Ryan teases.

“Whatever.” Brendon looks up to see Ryan looking down at him and they’re basically staring into each other’s eyes now. They were just here. Standing in the middle of the hall. Brendon could drown in those dark brown eyes of his. Lose himself in them forever. He didn’t even realize that they’re having a staring contest until he blinked and Ryan said “Ha. Looks like I won.” Brendon notes that his voice is suddenly low and hoarse.  _Fuck._

Their faces have never been this close. Brendon could make a move right now. He clenches his toes just to stop himself from doing so. He could feel Ryan getting closer and he has a clear idea of what’s going to happen next. Now that it’s happening he began to think that maybe this isn’t really a good idea. Brendon oh-so desparately wants to, but he can't. Not now.

_Am I really prepared for this? OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD_

“I- uh I think I should get inside now.” he stuttered, trying to ignore Ryan’s crestfallen face.

“Okay.” Ryan’s voice was undecipherable and Brendon thought it was best to leave it like that.

He quickly went inside his apartment and leaned against the wall as he curled into a fetal position.

_OH GOD, OH GOD. WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO? WHY WHY WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT?_

Brendon shut his eyes tight and rethinked all of his life decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About Ryan's (FICTIONAL) number:  
> Any similarity with the mobile number is purely coincidental. It was just created with a keyboard smash, prefixed by the Chicago area code. Please do not try to contact that number (unless youre friends with the owner), it will not result in talking to Ryan Ross. We apologize for any similarities with the number.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Happy Holidays/New Year as well. Comments and kudos are appreciated.  
> Heres to a great 2015!


	9. Let Me Correct It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from New Perspective by Panic! at The Disco  
> //DISCLAIMER: We don't own the Smiths or How Soon Is Now//

**RYAN**

_Holy crap George Ryan Ross III , you are a complete idiot. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?_

He slams his right hand against his face. It was never really his plan to kiss Brendon but he got caught up in the moment. Ryan has never felt so pathetic. He would gladly high five the person who can stab him right now. He’d probably even thank them and give them a certificate.

Ryan takes one last look at Brendon’s door before entering his apartment. He only reaches his sofa before he crumples into a big ball of regret.

_OH. OH GOD_ , he whispers this to himself every 30 seconds. He wants to scream it out loud but he’s afraid Brendon might hear him next door. Ryan needed to get the memory out of his system. Ryan looks at the TV and thinks that maybe he could get lost in a sea of characters and plot twists  instead of Brendon’s eyes.

Ryan ends up asleep on the sofa watching Scrubs.

...

He wakes up and goes to work thinking that he’s probably the biggest idiot in the entire universe and there’s nothing he can do about it. Hopefully nobody catches onto his mood, but he’s usually in a sour mood during work so nobody will probably notice. Ryan avoids eye contact with everyone and just walks straight into his cubicle.

As usual, there’s a stack of paperwork to be done. He doesn’t actually know how it gets there. Ryan assumes it just sort of happened. It’s probably delivered by someone from the staff but he doesn’t really care. Ryan picks up a file and starts flipping through the papers. Words and numbers jump out at him, turning into nonsense scribbles and lines.

_Oh dear Lord, I need caffeine_. He can’t possibly do any work when he can’t focus on anything except anything that starts with a B and ends with a rendon.

Ryan walks out his cubicle and makes his way to the break room where there was a full coffee pot. He fights the urge to grab it and take it back with him and settles for a mug instead. After he grabbed one, he lightly banged his head against the wall. He closed his eyes and stick his forehead against the wall while gripping his mug tighter.

 

“Jesus, Ross what the fuck is wrong with you?” Spencer laughs. _Where the hell did he come from?_

“Nothing,” Ryan growls while turning around to face him.

“Are you in love or something?”

“N-Wha-Why would you say that?”

“I’ve worked with you for a good couple of years and I’ve never seen you do anything like that.”

“I’m fucking fine, Smith.” Ryan stalks out of the break room before Spencer could notice the flush spreading across his face.

Ryan mumbles a chorus of curses while walking towards his cubicle. Once he settles down he drinks the whole mug in one go and works like a mad man. He was filled with frustration and a lot of…feelings. He works like a robot while he feels the caffeine run through his veins. He throws himself completely into his work. Reading and signing and piling. It was just so mind-numbingly dull that it was almost too easy to get lost in it.

“Are you planning to spend the night here or what?” Spencer teases.

“I’m going to work some extra hours and there’s nothing you can do about it”.

“Alright, sassypants have fun with your papers.”

“Fuck off.”

... 

Even though the weather’s batshit cold, Ryan walks slowly home to kill more time. Watching the sun go down as he hums to How Soon Is Now by The Smiths. When he reaches his floor he hears something familiar coming from Brendon’s flat.

 

Shut your mouth.

How can you say I go about things the wrong way?

I am human and I need to be loved.

Just like everybody else does.

 

_OF COURSE. OF COURSE BRENDON’S PLAYING THE SAME SONG. OF COURSE THE UNIVERSE JUST HAD TO!_

Ryan walks faster to his flat.

 

I am the son and the heir

Of a shyness that’s criminal

 

He unlocks the door, gets inside, and slams the door shut.

“FUCKING FUCK!” Ryan yells in the middle of the room.

“You’re a fucking idiot. Keep your shit together. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.” By now he was walking back and forth in the same direction and desperately trying to pull his hair out. Eventually, he gets exhausted, and sat on the floor. Part of him wishes that he could just die, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t figure out his feelings.

It’s Brendon, it’s all just Brendon. Ryan knows he won’t be able to get it out of his system if he doesn’t set things straight with Brendon. Fucking Brendon and fucking emotions. After banging his head against the wall one last time, he gets up and practically drags his body out the door. Half walking and half sliding his shoulder against the cool hard wall, Ryan knocks on Brendon’s door, praying to God that he doesn’t screw up even more.

The door doesn’t open, Brendon probably didn’t hear him. He knocks louder this time. The Smiths are cut off and Ryan hears heavy footsteps approaching as he feels his heart pounding. A click of the lock and a turn of the knob and there’s Brendon. Now he believes that pterodactyls can live in the stomachs of humans.

There’s a tense silence between them, neither of them seem to want to start a conversation. It seems like it’s about to turn into another staring contest when Brendon gives in to curiosity.

“Hey… what are you doing here?”

“Can I- Can I come in?” Ryan asks with what he hopes is a steady voice.

Brendon looks surprised but nods anyway. Ryan steps in and takes a deep breath while Brendon is facing away from him and closing the door. This is it.

“I just wanted to apologize for last night. I was completely over my head with that one and uhh, I understand if you don’t want to talk to me again, I just felt bad for wasting your time. You’re probably the first person I’ve had a civil conversation in this apartment in months and I never wanted you to feel awkward or anything. Anyways, I’m sorry, I’m rambling and I should just go.”

Then the unexpected happened. Just as Ryan turns to leave, Brendon grabs his wrist and pulls

him towards him. And kisses him.

* * *

**BRENDON**

_Oh God, oh God, oh God._

That’s all that goes through Brendon’s mind. That and Ryan’s lips are really soft. A bit chapped from the cold, but soft all the same. He presses his lips gently against Ryan’s, trying not to come on too strong. Brendon is nervous, turned on, hesitant, and regretful all at the same time.

Then Ryan kisses back.

They kiss slow. Nothing behind their movements and not much moving except for Ryan’s arm snaking around Brendon’s waist. They don’t rush at all. It’s innocent and unassuming.

They break apart and catch their breath. They take a moment to assess what just happened.

Brendon is beyond elated. He’d be on cloud ten if it existed. There’s the possibility that Ryan feels the same way he does. Brendon hasn’t actually figured what that way is, but he thinks he’ll find out soon enough. Underneath the elated buzz, a sort of panic sets in.

_What if he hates me? What if he decides he’s made a mistake? I fucked up. I fucked up._

 

“I guess it’s my turn to say sorry.” Brendon tries to be funny and laugh it off, but his smile is forced and there’s a nervous look in his eyes. If Ryan didn’t want him, then why did he kiss back? His nerves are letting him down, and the happiness he felt only moments ago is now quickly fading.

And then Ryan smiles. Small, a bit shy, but it’s a smile and everything’s better now. His heart rate goes back to normal (as normal as it will get with Ryan around). “There’s no need to apologize,” he says.

“I was about to say the same thing to you but…”

“But you’d rather kiss me?”

“Get’s the message across, if anything.”

Another silence fills the room and they’re back to staring at each other again.

 

An unnecessary staring competition ensues as Brendon tries to stop the big ass grin that is about to settle on half of his face. He still can’t believe he actually kissed Ryan and he kissed back. Like the idiot he is, the thought of kissing Ryan totally made him forget about the staring competition and blink the forming tears out.

“Looks like I won. Again.” Ryan says nonchalantly with a smirk on his face

Brendon rolls his eyes in reply. “Alright, you have established yourself as the Great Non-Blinker. Do you want coffee?”

“Sure.”

So Brendon makes the both of them coffee. They sit on the couch and start talking. Brendon talks about how he was raised in a strict, Mormon household. Ryan says his parents split up and he was raised by his dad after that. They both talk about coming out. Brendon questions the existence of aliens while Ryan questions the theory of the universe.

Mostly though, they talk about music. They talk about The Beatles, the evolution of rock music, and their life with it. They spend the rest of the night talking and when Ryan walks back to his door and gives him one last smile, everything feels perfect.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're so very sorry that it took that long to update. We just finished school and everything to do with it and now we're back to writing. Thank you for waiting. Comments and kudos are very much appreciated. And if you have any suggestions to the story, feel free to tell us. Thanks for reading!


	10. I Slept In Last Night's Clothes and Tomorrow's Dreams

**BRENDON**

 

Wake up. Drink Coffee. Go To Work. As redundant as his days may seem Brendon never complains about the consistency. Consistent is good. In a world of spontaneity and uncertainty it’s nice to be sure about one thing. Besides, he’s been working his dream job with his best friend, Jon.

But today was different. A different energy was running through him. He was stuck between wanting to work this energy out and sit and let this energy consume him. He just wanted to sit and think about Ryan. If only he could.

Brendon didn’t want to fall into an endless pit of over analyzing. But he did fall into an endless pit of over analyzing big time. He couldn’t help but think about everything, Ryan’s smile, his hair. His lipsㅡ wow that kiss was something else. He still couldn’t believe it. Brendon almost missed the bus thinking about it. He had to run like a psycho to catch it. He thought maybe it was for the best. Running would tire him out and soon make him less fidgety.  


“ _Did I drink too much coffee?_ ” he thought to himself.  
  
It wasn’t impossible that he did but maybe it was because of all the leftover adrenaline from last night. He could literally, literally break into a musical any second. He couldn’t stop smiling. Sure, last night was unforgettable but he knows he’d be dead meat if he comes to the studio late. Jon would CM Punk piledriver him then and there. He sprinted to the studio, still under the illusion that it will make him feel less restless.

So obviously Brendon was gasping for air when he came through the door. He walked in on Jon looking down on his wristwatch. Jon looked up and raised an eyebrow.

“Wow, Boyd. A minute before time, miracles do happen.”

“Yeah.” _Wheeze._ “Like the miracle of me not killing you yet.” Wheeze. Brendon tries to regulate his breathing.

“Threatening nerd on the loose. Someone call 9-1-1. I’m terrified for my safety.” Jon rolled his eyes.

“C’mon Walker, lets get to work.” Brendon is still exhausted from running and he isn’t up for any conversation. Besides, he deems talking to Jon as a waste of oxygen. “Who do we have for today?”

Jon goes checks the schedule. “We have uhh-” Jon squinted at the calendar “Camp Macabre for today.”

“Well, where are they? It’s already 10:00. Do they even want to be here?” Brendon exhaled. He really didn’t like their music. They claimed to be the lovechild of Metallica and the Beatles, Brendon disaggreed.. But they paid for the day’s reservation, and they visited frequently. They were their current main source of income, Brendon couldn’t complain.

“Chill, dude.” Jon touches his shoulder. “They’re just a bunch of kids.”

He was going to reply but his phone vibration interrupted him.

“Swordfighting fried chicken fuck,”  Brendon spat out vehemently. He pulls out the phone and glares at the screen. His look softens when he sees it’s a text from Ryan. Brendon’s hands shake slightly as his heart beats faster, faster.

There it is again, that stupid grin that appears when he remembers anything that is related to even the littlest parts of Ryan. He musters every inch of power he has to open Ryan’s message.  
  
“ _Good morning. Thanks for last night,_ ” the text reads.

“Brendon, are you okay? You’re starting to worry me.” Jon said with his brows furrowed.

“I’m fine Jon.” Inside his head he asks, _Why wouldn’t I be fine? I’ve had the greatest night with the greatest boy I’ve ever met and he’s just sent me the greatest text I’ve ever received._

“Are you serious? Let me check that message, will you?” Jon grabbed Brendon’s phone faster than he could’ve noticed.

“Oh... and who is this Ryan?” Jon will never let him live it down. Non stop teasing. Possibly forever. But you know, whatever.

“He’s just my next door neighbor, Jon.” he said leaning against the equipment and blushing.

“And?” Jon probes. “What did you do last night?”

“Nothing!” Brendon replies, too quickly. He notes the look on Jon’s face. “We didn’t fuck or anything. We just hanged out and talked… and then...maybe kind of kissed.” He mumbles the last part, his blush growing fervently.

“Oooh, so how long have you known this Ryan you speak of?”

“Uhh first day I moved?”

Jon looks at him in shock, “So more or less a week. And you’ve alreadyㅡ“ The rest of what would be a lecture is cut off by the members of Camp Macabre entering. Brendon has never been happier to see their wrinkled clothes and matted hair. He actually smiles at them today.

“Morning boys,” Brendon says while grabbing his phone “Let’s get straight to it then.” He ushers them into the recording room quickly, but he still catches the look Jon sends him. It says _We’ll talk about this later_.

Brendon may hate their music but it’s better than being lectured by Jon.

* * *

“See you, guys.” Brendon flashes a bright smile.

“Yeah see you,” the lead guitarist of Camp Macabre said while carefully going down the stairs. They’re probably wondering why this guy is suddenly being nice to them.

“Oh and do you guys want t-” Brendon was cut short from his prolonged goodbye conversation by Jon when Brendon’s shirt was pulled back away from the door.

“Are you seriously assuming that I won’t notice that you’re stalling?” Jon raises his eyebrow.

“Bu-” Brendon mumble.

“Brendon Boyd Urie, it’s only been weeks since you got here and you’re already in love with some guy? It’s barely been a week since you’ve met. How do you know he isn’t a serial killer?”

Here he was again. Sitting like a child while getting nagged on by Jon (Angry Mother style). This was vaguely reminiscent of his last breakup.

“He’s not just some guy, okay?” Brendon said in defense. He’s suddenly aware that he’s being a but teenage drama queen-y, but he’s determined to prove Jon wrong, or at the very least get him to stop making harsh generalizations.

Jon lowers his guard and looks like he’s willing to listen.

“He’s nearly unexplainable and oh my god, he knocks me over every time he crosses my mind and send godzillas in my stomach.” He pauses to take a breath. “Jon, he’s an enigma, I couldn’t possibly explain everything to you and expect you to get it.” Brendon watches his expression very carefully and waits for the disappointment that’s bound to settle in soon.

Jon sighs. He’s not sure how to take that.

“I thinkㅡ”

“You think what?”

“You should keep your distance from him. I hate seeing you pine over someone. It’s sad. Save yourself the trouble.”

“Okay,” Brendon replies emptily. He knows Jon is just looking out for him. He knows he can’t fight this battle with Jon, not now.

* * *

Today’s work was more exhausting than he expected. Especially when there’s a guy at the back of your mind trying to get in the front seat without even trying. He settles down on his couch thinking how he can stop thinking about the stillness of the room when Ryan kissed him. He grabs a pillow and screams his frustration out. It lasts for about 13 seconds.

_What do I do?_

It hits him that he never replied to Ryan’s text because Jon oh-so rudely grabbed his phone from him. Texting him back now would be awkward, since it’s already so late. Brendon looked up from his psychotic pillow screaming episode and saw pen and paper on the coffee table. He decided to go the old fashioned way and write Ryan a note and post it on his door. Perfect.

_“_ Hey Ry, I was thinking that maybe you want to go to my place and maybe watch tv or Glee or a movie or whatever. -B”  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took very long too, and we're very sorry for that. This has been sitting in our files for too long, so even if its not the best we decided that it was time to update. A new chapter is being written, but I wouldn't get my hopes up for a quick update. Ryan's point of view is next chapter.-Nina  
> Mah apologies mah lil babies it took forever times have been rough- Stella
> 
> (and here you can see who writes what parts and how we work together to make our fics what they are.)

**Author's Note:**

> This was our first fic (or at least the first one we wrote together). We apologize for any errors or if it kinda sucked. Please leave constructive criticism and what you thought about it. Next chapter will be up soon.  
> Thank you for reading!


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